How do you know?…

When you meet my son for the first time, his quirky oddball personality doesn’t immediately shine through. Instead you find yourself talking to a very verbal, slightly focused and very knowledgeable four year old, and will often comment on just how much he knows.

We are lucky that if we have to ride the ASD train that we have a very high functioning, mild case, as I know it can be harder for some families. Not that we are completely challenge free. However, because of his ASD intellect and the fact that he is quite verbal (I might be inclined to say chatter box if I wasn’t so against the usage of this phrase) people often question his diagnosis. He doesn’t present to people what they expect Autistic to be, so how did we know and what made us question his behaviour?

I thought I would compile a few of the flags we had with my little gem, in case you were wondering what to look out for yourself. I am by no means an expert and can only relate to my own experiences. Please remember if you meet one person with ASD, you have meet one person with ASD.

1. Meltdowns – in a nut shell the difference between a meltdown and a temper tantrum is the cause and the ability to snap out of it. If a child wants chocolate and you say no and they carry on, generally the giving of chocolate will stop the behaviour (not that I advocate giving in to them, this is just an example to explain the difference). If a child becomes frustrated at not being able to complete a puzzle and they carry on and it lasts over an hour and nothing and I mean nothing you do will stop it – this is a meltdown. We could literally see the lights shut off and his inability to communicate or regulate his emotions. The frequency and cause of these meltdowns were massive flags for us.

2. His verbal skills – contrary to popular belief not all Autistic kids are mute. My little one was very verbal and it seriously felt like he went from mumma, dada, to full sentences. His ability to learn and apply words was astonishing and whilst not as alarming as the meltdowns, was still unusual behaviour for a two year old.

3. OCD tendencies – so from about 13 months onwards my son loved to line up his toys. And colour code them. And put them in to height order. People were fascinated at his ability to organise things in to representative patterns and it was impressive and also a flag that perhaps he saw the world in a different light to others.

4. An American accent – I was actually happy to find out this was a flag as I was made to feel 2 inches high when a friend pointed out the accent and suggested I let him watch too much TV. Whilst he did watch too much TV, I didn’t need to be reminded that once again I was failing as a mother. TV was a calming strategy for my son (before I knew that was what I was doing) and mid meltdown, I would turn it on and eventually, sometimes it did distract him. The psychologist explained to me that accents can often be flags and to remember that no matter how much TV they watch, they will always talk to their parents more!

5. Obsession – my little gem would become fixated on certain things, he would want to watch, or read or play with the same things over and over and over again. He would retain all of this knowledge and repeat it back to anyone who would listen. Some obsessions might include trains, cars and planes. My son was and still is obsessed with dinosaurs. 

These are just the flags that led me to seeking help, as I knew deep down that something was not quite right. There are many different flags, some more obvious than others. I was always willingly and somewhat hoping that someone would say that I was just a crappy parent as nobody wants to have something not typical about his or her child. Getting the diagnosis was the best thing for us however, as it opened the doors to so much help! If you have any concerns or are not coping, ask for help – there is always someone willingly to lend a hand. Please remember that I’m not saying that all of these behaviors are conclusive of ASD – my son was a tricky case to diagnosis and there are other factors in play as well. These are just some of the signs that led to us believe that he might not be neurotypical. The most important thing to remember is that just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean that the child isn’t and really, it doesn’t matter either way.