Holidays you need a break from...


Off to Diamond Beach. My little ASDer was so excited! We had been to this holiday park before and even though last time we packed up after a rough couple of days and our instincts should have warned us we were still hopeful that this time it would better.

This was our first big adventure family  since my husband had been diagnosed with his work-related PTSD. All the trip planning had been his idea so I was confident that he would be ok venturing so far away from home.

We settled in and everything seemed to be going well until my son attempted to bring some routine to his daily activities. For two days he wanted to do the same thing in the same order and the same way. Not such a big deal but within 24 hours of being away from home, the stress and great outdoors started to affect my husband. He was down. He was restless and he craved the dullness of a few beers. He couldn't handle the friendliness of families by the pool - people who just wanted to say hi as our suddenly outgoing 5 year old bravely jumped into making new friends.

So when my ASDer become very bossy my husband’s patience wore out very quickly.
He couldn't cope.

We should have gone home but our inability to disappoint anyone saw us preserve and make the drive to Port Macquarie to stay with some friends.

Disaster.

Three meltdowns later - two punches directed at me - it was clear that my darling child's inability to form a routine surrounded by three other children was too much for him. It was embarrassing and stressful and all the reassurances in the world didn’t make us feel any less incompetent as parents.

But still, we persevered and suffered for it.

My husband's recovery felt like it had been set back months. We doubt his ability to go anywhere ever again. I fear more than ever for my child's future - I cried myself to sleep twice fearing a cruel and intolerant world that would never accept him.

We needed to talk it out and my biggest fear was finally voiced to my husband- I worry he will never learn to reconnect with society whilst living in a house and dealing with a child with ASD.

We have no answers. We have no solutions. Only a desire to stick together and stick it out.

I share this because it's real, it's raw and it's my life.  If this is you, you are not alone and I commend your strength.



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